"It wasn't just that." But Sirius couldn't say that it hadn't been a factor.
He knew it had taken time to root out the last of his prejudices, longer than he liked to admit to anyone, but he took pride that he had escaped his parents' influence. At least, he thought he had. When the war started old wounds began to surface, not about Muggles and Muggleborns but much closer to home. Suspicion arose about the man who lay in bed next to him.
If he had the time and focus to examine his doubts he would have realized that here too Peter had played a part. Not all of it, the role he played wasn't nearly so large, but there were slight comments. Questions about where Remus was a particular night, a small frown here and there, nothing noticeable by itself but together with his own inner fears...
But Sirius didn't have the time for that and even if he did it was his responsibility. His failing. He could blame Peter for many things but not for this.
Every other reason had been so small though so inconsequential alone that he couldn't possibly explain it to Remus. And so he shook his head.
"I knew better but I thought I couldn't risk..." Couldn't risk the lives of his best friends and godson just because he wanted to believe that his lover wasn't a traitor.
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He knew it had taken time to root out the last of his prejudices, longer than he liked to admit to anyone, but he took pride that he had escaped his parents' influence. At least, he thought he had. When the war started old wounds began to surface, not about Muggles and Muggleborns but much closer to home. Suspicion arose about the man who lay in bed next to him.
If he had the time and focus to examine his doubts he would have realized that here too Peter had played a part. Not all of it, the role he played wasn't nearly so large, but there were slight comments. Questions about where Remus was a particular night, a small frown here and there, nothing noticeable by itself but together with his own inner fears...
But Sirius didn't have the time for that and even if he did it was his responsibility. His failing. He could blame Peter for many things but not for this.
Every other reason had been so small though so inconsequential alone that he couldn't possibly explain it to Remus. And so he shook his head.
"I knew better but I thought I couldn't risk..." Couldn't risk the lives of his best friends and godson just because he wanted to believe that his lover wasn't a traitor.
"And I..."
He good as killed them.