Sirius could say nothing. He could do little more than cry. Sobs racked his body.
He should have known that Remus wouldn't care and somehow part of him knew he was speaking the truth. He made the best decision with what he'd known and suspected at the time. None of them had expected Peter to be capable of betraying them.
No, they'd all, except for James, suspected Remus. Was that supposed to excuse what had happened? Because everyone else thought that Remus was selling them out then it was fine for Sirius to believe that too? No, it wasn't. Nothing justified that.
In the end it was his mistake that sent his friends to their deaths. Peter could have chosen differently but the same could be said for Sirius.
He lowered his hands but still couldn't face his lover. "It should have been me. I would have died for them. I thought..."
Sirius was so sure that his life was over. He hadn't been able to admit that to anyone. So often he wondered if the thought crossed James's mind but he was sure that the other man dismissed it. James wouldn't put Sirius in that position if he thought he wouldn't come out of it alive but Sirius had known better. His death was how this was all supposed to end and he had accepted that. He was fine with it, knowing that his sacrifice kept his best friend's family safe.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-06 08:40 pm (UTC)He should have known that Remus wouldn't care and somehow part of him knew he was speaking the truth. He made the best decision with what he'd known and suspected at the time. None of them had expected Peter to be capable of betraying them.
No, they'd all, except for James, suspected Remus. Was that supposed to excuse what had happened? Because everyone else thought that Remus was selling them out then it was fine for Sirius to believe that too? No, it wasn't. Nothing justified that.
In the end it was his mistake that sent his friends to their deaths. Peter could have chosen differently but the same could be said for Sirius.
He lowered his hands but still couldn't face his lover. "It should have been me. I would have died for them. I thought..."
Sirius was so sure that his life was over. He hadn't been able to admit that to anyone. So often he wondered if the thought crossed James's mind but he was sure that the other man dismissed it. James wouldn't put Sirius in that position if he thought he wouldn't come out of it alive but Sirius had known better. His death was how this was all supposed to end and he had accepted that. He was fine with it, knowing that his sacrifice kept his best friend's family safe.